How The Tables Have Turned
by Tallest Red
Summary: "YOU IDIOT!" Red shouted at Lard Nar. "DO YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS? HAH! WHEN WE'RE FREE, WE'RE GOING TO-"  "Do nothing," Lard Nar finished with a snicker. "Because you're never going to be free."
1. Resisty Victory

**I searched through the database for a story such as this and have found nothing from the results. So I decided that if no one was going to write it themselves, I might as well. Just a heads up, I'm not writing this story from a first person perspective like I normally do. It will be in third person. Oh, and I'll update about once a month, maybe. I might have important things to do sometimes, so I apologize ahead of time for any future delays in updates. This way I won't have to do it more than once. :)**

**One And Only Disclaimer For This Story: Jhonen's characters belong to him, not me. Trust me on this when I say if I owned Zim entirely, all of you Zim fangirls would probably want to murder me for the doom that would happen to him on a daily basis.**

_**"A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both." - Dwight Eisenhower**_

* * *

Lard Nar shuffled nervously through the hallways, holding a smooth silver sphere away from his body. The holographic imager around his neck displayed him as a normal Irken going about their business, but the idea of getting discovered isn't what made him so fearful. It was the device he was holding before him with special gloves on. Despite its innocent appearance, it was the most dangerous object on the Massive, more dangerous than even the laser cannons mounted on the sides of the ship. The sphere was only seen once before in history, back during its making when the Irkens and the Vortians were still allies.

The scientists back then wanted to create a device unlike any other. This was after Zim's energy absorbing...thing...had devoured Tallest Miyuki. The ultimate rampage it went on inspired the workers in Zim's station to create something similiar, but a type of mechanical version, one that was easily controlled and didn't attack people randomly. Schematics for it were revised and altered several times in an attempt to make it innocent-looking, so as not to raise suspicions when Irken soldiers brought it into battle. Even if it was left behind, the sphere would still serve its purpose with its shiny reflective surface, tempting others to want to reach out and take it. But if skin contact were made with the smooth metal ball...well, let's just say that you NEVER should. Ever. It was dubbed the Captura, and was revered in the inner circle of the Irken Elites as one of the greatest weapons ever created.

But soon it was banned, for fear that people such as Zim might one day possess it if it were to be widespread. So all remaining Capturas were destroyed and the plans locked away in a vault. When Vortians and Irkens severed their alliance, only one Vortian, Lard Nar, had the guts to steal all the schematics for future use. After years of building up the Resisty, gaining various materials from several alien races, he had finally done it. He held in his hands the only Captura in existence. And he planned to use it to his advantage.

Lard Nar scanned the doors in the hallways, wondering which would be the correct one. He only knew basic Irken, unfortunately. And nobody ever really heard an Irken speak its full native language before, not since a translator was built into their Paks, causing anything they say to sound like the listener's own native language and vice versa. So he couldn't match their vocal sounds to the symbols on the doors.

Then he saw it. A door bigger than the rest, a sign above it more ornate than the other signs. This must be it. Lard Nar took a deep breath, made sure his holographic disguise was still operational, and opened the sliding door.

A tall Irken with curious violet eyes was the first to notice his entrance. Lard Nar resisted the urge to curl his lip in disgust at the two Irken leaders so casually lounging on chairs while an entire civilization was being attacked right outside the windshield. He couldn't afford to blow his cover now, not after so many years of careful planning.

"My Almighty Tallest," Lard Nar greeted, forcing himself to bow.

"Yes we are," Purple agreed. He turned to his friend, who hadn't noticed the new arrival yet. "Hey, Red! Check out little shorty over here! He has a funny accent!"

Ruby eyes quickly scanned the nervous Lard Nar. This was supposed to be the slightly more intelligent of the two. Would he see through the disguise? Apparently not, as Red only nodded in affirmation to whatever his preconceptions were at Purple's announcement.

"Who are you supposed to be?" Red asked directly. "Look, if you're from that ridiculous 'Worker's Rights' group, our answer stays the same. We will NOT give you more snack breaks!"

"That is not why I have come, my Tallest," Lard Nar responded. "I belong to no group that would dare question your authority." What a blatant lie that was. And yet, these so-called 'rulers' seemed none the wiser.

"Then why are you here, huh? Huh?" Purple demanded. "We're very busy...um...doin' Tallest stuff! Like blowing up that stupid-looking planet out there!" He gestured towards the window just as another explosion was visible.

Lard Nar bit his tongue and focused on the mission at hand. "I have come to deliver this device to you, my leaders. We discovered it not too long ago in the docking bay and no one seems to know what it is." He walked over to their table and carefully placed the Captura on the surface in such a way that it wouldn't roll off. Purple seemed interested simply by how neat it looked while Red only spared it a glance before taking a sip from his Irken-friendly soda. Apparently they had no idea what it was, or else they would have cringed away and refused to come near it. Lard Nar reasoned that this must be because they hadn't actually seen one in person, had only heard descriptions of it through word-of-mouth, since they probably weren't high up enough on the social ladder at the time it was made to actually witness its creation.

"Why not just bring it to the people in the Experimentation Wing?" Red inquired. "Those arrogant brainiacs could probably tell you."

Lard Nar shook his head. "They did not know what it was either. They guessed it had something to do with snack dispension, though, and so they sent me your coordinates so that you may confirm their suspicions."

Purple's antennae perked up at the mention of snacks. He stared more longingly at the sphere for a moment before turning to Lard Nar, puzzled. "Um, how do you, you know, make it work?"

"It looks like it's made of one seamless piece of metal," Red pointed out. "No buttons or anything."

"Maybe it is touch activated!" Lard Nar exclaimed as if the idea had just come to him. "Would you like me to try it first, my Tallest?"

"Nuh-uh!" Purple protested. "Snacks are for the Tallest, you should know that!"

"I humbly apologize. I had forgotten in my eagerness," Lard Nar responded with an inner smirk. Purple looked eager enough to try it, and that was according to plan, but Red was a little too suspicious for his taste. "Is there a problem, all powerful leaders of the universe?"

Purple noticed Red's suspicion as well and narrowed his eyes. "What's wrong? Do you think it's gonna explode or something?"

"No, it's nothing," Red replied after a beat. He chuckled a little to himself. "It just looked familiar for a second, that's all. Like I've seen it somewhere before. But that's impossible. Right?"

"Right!" Purple agreed, casually placing both talons of one hand on the Captura and ushering his friend to do the same. Lard Nar watched the scene very carefully, but with joy. After a moment of impatient waiting, Purple had tried to pull his hand away in order to cross his arms angrily and proclaim it didn't work. Lard Nar openly snickered when the violet-eyed Tallest started to panic, trying desperately to remove his hand along with his friend. The leader the color of blood turned to him with a hiss of fury, glaring daggers in his direction. Those same eyes widened when they took in the device holding him captive, realization dawning on his face as he recognized the signs. The feeling of getting weaker...of becoming less sure of your memories and knowledge...

"YOU IDIOT!" Red shouted at Lard Nar. "DO YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS? HAH! WHEN WE'RE FREE, WE'RE GOING TO-"

"Do nothing," Lard Nar finished with a snicker. "Because you're never going to be free."

"What?" Purple paused briefly in his struggle to stare at his friend in confusion, but gasped and tried to back away. "Red! Your eyes!" Truly it seemed as if the very color of his friend's eyes were fading ever faster the longer they struggled.

"And yours too!" Red added. "Don't you see, Purple? This is that one thingy I told you about before! That Captur...whatever it's called!"

"The one that sucks out your soul, or the one that dispenses snacks?" Purple asked. Red facepalmed with his other hand.

"What do you THINK?" he yelled at his friend. Lard Nar watched the entertainment of the ruby-eyed Tallest trying to convince his friend that they were really doomed and not about to recieve any snacks while they were becoming weaker and weaker. His friend only completely understood in the very end, when one could barely discern what colors their eyes originally were.

"You...jerk..." Purple managed to say to the Resisty leader before both collapsed, released from the Captura's hold. The orb rolled to the floor when one of the Tallests' arms knocked against the table. It rolled across the floor to the leader of the Resisty, softly pulsing in the colors crimson and violet. Lard Nar carefully picked it up in his special gloves and looked around the room with a wide, triumphant grin.

"They really should get some body guards or something," Lard Nar snickered. "People could just come in here and attack them from nowhere! Now, wouldn't that just be horrible for the Irken Empire to lose its two leaders like that?"

He casually strolled out the door holding the glowing sphere, doing that strange marching step that each Irken does in order to avoid suspicion, since his holographic disguise was still operational. Not a single Irken spared him a passing glance, since he was quite short, and nobody ever paid attention to the tiny Irkens. He heard the door he had just exited open again, then a startled gasp from the pilot who had come to fetch the Tallest since Invader Zim was calling again. Alarms started blaring and four Irkens only about two inches shorter than the Tallest ran down the hall towards the room. Lard Nar raised an eye. So THOSE were their bodyguards. Apparently not only the leaders were lazy, but their subjects were as well. Maybe it was part of their society or something?

Lard Nar whistled innocently as more and more heavily armed guards and some paramedics rushed down the hall. Again, even with the emergency, nobody noticed the maker of all this chaos strolling near them, climbing onto a strange ship, then darting away through the stars.


	2. A New Mission

_**"Let us be thankful for fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed."**__ - Mark Twain_

* * *

"WE DID IT!" Lard Nar exclaimed happily, holding the glowing Captura above his head as his holographic disguiser wore off. "The Almighty Tallest, gone forever!" The rest of the crew cheered along with him at seeing the orb pulsing in the two colors of their enemies. They've been dreaming of this moment ever since they nearly took out the Massive after it went haywire. After all, if a sudden plan like THAT got such results, they were optimistic for one that was carefully thought out and discussed several times. And their efforts paid off! It worked. It ACTUALLY worked!

"Resisty ROCKS!" a random crew member shouted in utter, careless glee.

"Indeed we do," Lard Nar agreed with a grin. He walked over to an open metal pod, running a hand over it absentmindedly while he still marveled over the fact that he wasn't caught. "Now, to dispose of this thing once and for all! Are the coordinates of an uninhabitated planet set?"

"Yeah, all ready!" Shloonktapooxis (the floating triangle guy) shouted. "It's gonna be AWESOME! It'll be all floating through space and stuff, and then KA-BLAM!"

The Resisty leader ignored his friend's outburst and carefully placed the Captura into the escape pod redesigned for this moment with the coordinates preset by an unknown member. He closed the door with an evil grin, waved a taunting 'good-bye' to the device, and happily pressed the big button entitled 'Launch'. It shot off into space and everyone on the ship cheered what they thought was the complete downfall of the Irken Empire, all set in motion by Lard Nar's careful infiltration of the Massive with the Captura he made from scratch.

"Oops, wait a minute," Spleenk called out. He pushed through the crowd, scratching his head. The noises of the crowd died down. Lard Nar stared at the alien in disbelief and horror.

"No," Lard Nar said softly. "You didn't just say 'oops', did you?"

"I did. Sorry about that."

"DON'T tell me you ruined our very careful plan, the one that took years to plan and for which I'm still paying off debts?" the Resisty leader demanded, eye twitching.

Spleenk hesitated. "Well, kind of. I mean, it's not completely ruined, just a little broken. The coordinates I picked out were wrong. The planet has life forms on it!"

"WHO LET SPLEENK NEAR THE COORDINATE PLANNING STATION?" Lard Nar demanded. The members averted their eyes and shuffled their feet a bit in embarrassment.

"I did!" Shloonktapooxis exclaimed with a big smile, sticking his tongue out happily. "I let him! His coordinates led to a pretty blue and green planet that was suh-WEET looking!"

"That is not a qualification the planet needed to have!" Lard Nar shouted. He pinched the bridge of where his nose should be and took a few deep breaths. "Okay, okay, we can fix this. Everything can still be salvaged as long as it doesn't have an Irken Invader on it."

"But it does!" one crew member pointed out, pulling up a screen of Invader records hacked from the Massive. "Name: Zim. Status: Exile, false Invader. Description: Short, annoying, big ego, oblivious, almost accidentally destroyed his own race several times and annihilated two past Tallest. Approach with caution."

Lard Nar was about to yell about his cursed luck when he realized something. This...Zim person could be useful to his cause after the Captura was obtained again. He had killed two of his other leaders and instead of getting deactivated, he had only been exiled. The Resisty leader rubbed his chin in thought. Maybe this could work out even better than he hoped! He just had to make sure that he convinced Zim that his current leaders were evil and conniving before the little Irken noticed the glowing sphere. If Lard Nar didn't get there in time, Zim would have already discovered and coveted the device, making sure that no one potentially harmed his leaders.

A desperate plan, certainly, but it seemed to be the only option at the moment.

"Set coordinates for Earth!" Lard Nar commanded. "We need to get that device back and pay the 'Invader' a little visit."

The pilot nodded and turned the new Resisty ship around. Lard Nar sat in his new chair and shifted around uncomfortably. He hoped to get there before it was too late.

And he prayed...prayed to any type of being that might be in charge of the universe...that Zim wasn't as stupid as his records showed. If he was, they were doomed. Undeniably doomed.

* * *

"Victory for ZZZIIIIMMM!" a short Irken cackled. He held high in his hands a slightly bent metal frame containing two glass circles as another, large-headed human child was pushed away with one gloved hand. The child persisted and tried to tackle his enemy, but missed by a long shot.

"Give those BACK!" the kid demanded, squinting at the blurry world.

"NEVER!" Zim shouted. He looked through the lenses curiously, easily dodging another tackle. "I will soon discover the secret of your supposed 'glasses', Dib-stink, and find out how it gives you intelligence!"

Dib paused for a moment and glanced up incredulously. "What?"

"Do not deny it! Zim overheard Zita telling her hideous friends that she copies off of you because you wear these...things! That wearing glasses makes you smart automatically! ADMIT IT, worm-baby!"

"That's just stupid!" Dib commented with a facepalm. "It's a stereotype, space boy!"

"This has NOTHING to do with music!" Zim retorted, still examining the frames. "Do not veer away from the subject in an attempt to confuse me!"

A lightbulb seemed to go off in that big head at the statement. Dib pointed frantically over at something in the distance. "Look over there! It's a rabid squirrel-eating fire hydrant!"

"EH?" The 'Invader' spun around immediately to witness such an object. He had never seen one of those before on this planet! Perhaps...perhaps he could utilize this new development to take over the world! Rabid squirrel-eating fire hydrants on every street corner, devouring every Chihuahua in the world, bending the grieving pet owners to his will! Then that's only one step away from enslaving all of mankind and presenting the planet as a gift to his Tallest. Maybe he could even steal Tak's idea of filling it with snacks to suck up to them a little more and gain the appreciation he has always wanted! They would be so pleased with him! YES! It just might WORK!

"Gotcha!" Dib cheered, snatching the glasses and putting them on again before the alien could realize his mistake. He grinned as he shook his head at his enemy. "Really, Zim, you're getting too predictable."

"NONSENSE!" the Irken shouted, greatly irritated at having been tricked. "This was...eh...Zim's plan all along!"

Dib rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure it was, Zim. Even if that WERE true, which it isn't, I'll still be there to stop you at every turn!"

"Liessss!" Zim hissed before stalking away. He would get back at that worm-baby someday for that comment! But not now. He would leave the insanely wrong Dib to his comments for the moment. Zim wondered what on Irk could possibly be going on in the child's head to make him act so...superior! HAH! As if he could even HOPE to be more superior than an Irken! The Irken held his head higher as he reverted back to every Irken's marching step. Pitiful hyuumans. Who knew what went through the Dib's exceedingly large head? Who cares? He was Ziiim, mighty Irken Invader and far better and advanced than any creature on this disgusting planet! He noticed Dib staring at him and raised his head even higher. He should be cowering before Zim's greatness!

The Dib-human smirked knowingly, having guessed the alien's thoughts by the way his enemy tilted his head up a little so he would look down on everyone nearby, and walked away as well in the opposite direction towards his own house. That alien was so gullible and stupid that it was almost laughable. Really, thinking that fire hydrants like that exist? Dib laughed nervously to himself, giving the next fire hydrant he saw a wide berth. You never know what could be real in this day and age. Sometimes the child felt like he made his own life difficult, and that even if he had a normal caring family and a normal, happy school, he would still be like he was now. Suspicious. Desperate to be believed. Considered insane. Not right.

His momentary victory faded away in his mind as he shoved his hands in his jacket pockets and sighed. He was too young to be so...what was the word...angsty? Sad? Something along those lines. He should be out at the park participating in some kind of sport, laughing carelessly with friends, goofing off and acting his age. If he had any friends, that is. He only had his creepy little sister that threatened to banish him to a piggy netherworld. What kind of sister DOES that kind of thing? And what kind of dad only talks to his kids through a floating monitor? It was insanity! Was it in his genetics to be insane or something? Geez!

"What are you talking about?" a frightened little boy nearby questioned, looking up at him. Dib facepalmed. He had been talking to himself again. He REALLY needed to work on that, it was starting to get out of hand.

"Nothing, Todd," Dib sighed, recognizing that scared child. Todd nodded and continued on his way back home from Skool. Dib tried to act a little more carefree to cheer himself up and walked down the sidewalk, whistling. He eventually found himself at home and let himself in. Gaz sat on the couch, playing a video game Dib had gotten her for her birthday on the new console Professor Membrane gave her.

"Hi, Gaz!" he greeted. "How was your day today?"

"Mmph!" Gaz pouted, hunching over her game for increased concentration with eyes squinted nearly shut.

"Okay, well, I'm going up to my room if you need me!" he replied with a forced smile. Mustn't get angry at the demon child. "To spy on Zim and stuff, but you already knew that. So if you want me to go out and get us food again just tell-"

"Shut up!" Gaz snarled. "I'm on the last level, and if you and your huge head talk to me and make me lose, you'll suffer a fate unknown to even the most brutally maimed dead bodies we've seen on the news!"

"Even worse than the one with a scythe through his head and a smiley face carved on his back?" Dib gasped. Gaz snickered.

"That guy's fate would be considered lucky compared what I would have in store for you," Gaz announced. "Now go away, shut your mouth, and leave me alone!" Her brother stood there for a moment in fear before running up the stairs without another word. He closed his door and leaned against it, heart hammering. His sister really scared him sometimes.

The glowing screen of his computer called out to him mentally, promising comfort, promising people who would believe what he has to say. Dib cracked his fingers and sat down at the keyboard. He typed in the name of a familiar website, sat back in his chair, and waited for the trademark home screen to pop up. A giant eyeball appeared on the screen. Dib moved his pointer over the pupil and clicked on it. The eyeball swelled a little as it faded away, a message appearing onscreen that said 'My eyes are swollen'. He adjusted his webcam, typed in his username and password, then waited for a response. A silhouette popped up on the screen.

"Agent Mothman," it said with a nod.

Dib nodded back. "Agent Darkbooty."

"What is it that you wish to inform me about? New evidence of alien activity that doesn't involve a dog eating waffles?" Agent Darkbooty asked seriously. Dib rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Not yet," he admitted. "I mean, the alien stole my glasses to see if it made me smart, but I got them back. His world domination schemes seems farther apart and easier to stop than before. He might be running out of ideas or saving them to create one huge plan. I was wondering if, since my own self-appointed mission is lulling, if there were any other activities appearing around my city that I could investigate."

"I see," Agent Darkbooty answered. The silhouette seemed to ruminate for a bit before speaking again. "There is one minor investigation that needs to be done."

"What is it?"

"There is a very small object, basketball-size, that is entering Earth's atmosphere in the park two blocks away from your home. I was originally going to send out Agent Wolfbite. However, seeing as you're more willing to take on the task, I'll reassign it to you. When it hits the Earth, investigate it until you figure out its use, then report back to me. Darkbooty out." The screen blacked out, but Dib didn't notice. He was already checking his equipment eagerly. It's been a while since he investigated something else for a change that didn't include Zim, and now he could put to use a few skills that he hasn't used in a while. But his task with Zim wasn't done. He was absolutely sure that he could multitask between Zim and this object's examination.

Meanwhile, at his base, Zim was checking his own equipment when his computer had informed him that something was entering Earth's atmosphere.

"WHAT?" Zim exclaimed. "Is it of Irken technology?"

"Object unknown."

"Is it a death machine?"

"Unknown."

"Does it make snacks?"

"I repeat: UNKNOWN."

"Whatever it is, it needs to be contained before the Dib-worm notices it!" Zim decided. "If it turns out to be an Enslaver, he would destroy it! He ruins everything, that filthy hyuuman! That enormous head should explode! Yes! I will do just that! My most brilliant plan ever!"

"Um...Zim? The thing about to hit the Earth? Remember?" Computer reminded. Zim paused before remembering.

"Heh heh, oh yeah. That's right," he said. He turned to the doorway to the kitchen. "GIR!"

A dough-covered robot poked his head around the door and smiled. "Yes?"

"Stop whatever you're doing and follow Zim to..."

The computer sighed. "The park."

"Do not interrupt Zim!" the Irken shouted to his base. He turned back to Gir. "As I was _saying_, follow Zim to the human's park of filthiness, tree-things, and frolicking dirt-children!"

"Weeheeheehee!" Gir giggled. He put on his doggy disguise and ran out the door. His master put his wig back on carefully and popped in the contacts. He looked out at the sky. Dark clouds were rolling in and the smell of dihydroxide acid was in the air.

"Let us retrieve the thing quickly!" Zim announced, walking out of his base with a marching step. "If it rains, Zim will start to burn, and it could blow our ingenious cover!"

"We love rain, we love rain! Splash splash splash, fun fun fun! Rain, rain, rain! We love rain, we love rain! Splash splash splash, fun fun fun! Rain, rain, rain!" Gir sang as he skipped ahead of his master. The SIR unit tried to fly in the air, but Zim quickly clipped a leash on to him and yanked him down.

"No, Gir, no flying," Zim scolded. "That's not normal!"

"But you saw other peoples doin' it at that fancy learnin' place when it started to rain!" Gir protested. Zim nodded.

"True, but those pig-smellies always do disturbing, not-normal things. They break the laws of physics themsleves with their stupidity, and may have even inhaled too much paste beforehand, resulting in even MORE...eh...stuff!" Gir ignored him and tried to float again. The Irken noticed and pulled him harshly down again with a snarl. "No defying gravity in public and bringing back repressed memories!"

"Awww..."


	3. The Big Switch

**Author's Note: Geez, these chapters NEVER turn out how I think they will when I first start writing them. Especially the very end, which I was surprised at myself for writing. And I forgot to add this last chapter:  
Thank you to all who take the time to review my story.**

_**"The face of the enemy frightens me only when I see how much it resembles me." - Unknown**_

* * *

The unnatural dark red sky on Earth quickly became smothered with thick black clouds against the wishes of the false Invader, seeming to provoke his wrath intentionally. Zim shot a glare at the sky before hurrying even faster towards the park. This disgusting planet sickened him to no end, and the fact that it was home to the largest collection of the most deadly acid known to Irkens everywhere didn't help matters. Picture a human explorer being sent to a place with radioactive lakes and liquified rat poison rain. Same basic concept. And Zim, as much as he was devoted to the false mission given to him, wanted nothing more than for it all to end.

"Ooo, look at the pretty star!" Gir exclaimed in his disguise as a green, googly-eyed dog, black paw pointed at the sky. Zim squinted in that direction. Sure enough, there was a flaming object in the sky. It certainly wasn't a star. Anyone with half a brainstem could tell that. Which is what most of Earth's population was missing, fortunately for him.

"If my calculations are as perfect as always, Gir, the trajectory of that object should cause it to land in approximately three Earth minutes in the center of the park gathering area," Zim surmised. His minion continued to gape up at the sky, refusing to move from his position, no matter how his master yanked on his leash.

"Pretty lava lamp star…" Gir stated in a dazed mode. The Irken growled to himself before unclipping the leash.

"Fine, just stay here, or no piggies for a month! Heed the BRILLIANT words of ZIIIMMM!" he commanded. Zim left his robot minion there to stargaze stupidly while he scanned the area. Were any other humans noticing the object coming into orbit besides Gir? No. Luckily the park was deserted tonight for some odd reason. Most likely because of the impending storm, or the fact that it was Tuesday, the one day he abducts people each week. Maybe they're starting to catch on? Nah. They're too stupid for that.

The Irken removed his wig piece and contacts after he made absolutely sure that no one was around. The wig muffled his hearing and the lenses were still much too scratchy for any kind of comfort. Rarely could he be like this in public, and he seized the momentary opportunity, if only to rub Dib's face in it at Skool the next day.

"ZIM?" a voice gasped. Zim whirled around in a battle stance, prepared for any threat to his mission. He smirked and straightened up when he noticed who it was.

"Go away, Dib-thing," the alien ordered. "Zim has no time for your foolishness right now! You must stop being what the hyoomans call a stalker and stay away from my greatness for as long as possible!"

Dib scowled, stepping out into the open. "For your _information_, alien scum, the only reason I follow you at all is so you can't destroy the human race! Besides, I didn't come here to watch you."

"Then why HAVE you come?" Zim demanded. He quickly cut off Dib's answer. "No matter! Whatever the reason, you should leave! _Now_."

The child with raven hair widened his eyes in surprise in a single second, but just as quickly narrowed his eyes in suspicion. They stared each other down, daring the other to make a single scathing comment or attack first. The Irken's eye twitched with impatience. Why wouldn't this human just leave him alone? Does he not possess another obsession with which he can be distracted with long enough for Zim to come up with an ingenious plan and act it out successfully? Apparently not. Of course when he came to Earth, he HAD to land in the ONE city that contained one of the few humans observant enough to immediately suspect him and his intentions, even through his brilliant disguise! Stupid, meddling Earthanoids!

"I'm not leaving, Zim," Dib retorted, crossing his arms. "I was here first!"

"Incorrect! ZIM arrived here before your big head did!"

"My head's not big!"

"Yes it is! Admit it! It's as big as the third moon of Goborghia!"

"No it isn't! Your head is just small in comparison because of your tiny alien brain, which you used to make up that planet! It doesn't even exist, does it? You're a liar with a tiny brain!"

"How DARE you accuse me of such fiction!" Zim screeched before launching himself at the human child.

Dib fell back on the ground and found himself on his back, facing two furious Irken eyes. Dib grinned sinisterly before bringing his legs up and kicking Zim hard in the stomach, catapulting the Irken into the air to fall back against a tree. The young paranormal investigator got up from the ground to brush dirt off of his jacket only to find himself tackled again by an enraged Zim. The dark pink eyes glittered with victory as he pinned the child to the ground with his Pak legs, raising himself above the pathetic Earthen scum in an intimidating stance. He poised one sharpened Pak leg over Dib's chest with a zipper-toothed smile. Right before he could deliver the final blow, however, a loud boom echoed through the air accompanied with the ground shivering in protest of an assault. The Invader glanced away from the child, distracted.

Dib used this opportunity to maneuver himself out of his predicament and run towards the source of the noise. Zim realized this a second too late to stop it and, after swearing once in Irken, gave chase to his enemy. He had to get there before the child does! If not, a potential plan for destroying the Earth using the unknown variable could be ruined in one swift action! He mentally urged the spider-like appendages forward, trying to push them as fast as they could go. He must defeat the Dib-stink in whatever the human plans to do! The child has stopped enough of his plans, so he deserves one of his own plans stopped! YES! That will show him not to mess with the superior Irken race!

Invader Zim still used his Pak legs to make up for the head start the evil human child had gotten through trickery, for if the Dib cheated, Zim felt he had the right to do so as well. As soon as that black trench coat came into view, however, the alien retracted his advantage back into his Pak. Why? There was nothing that bothered the other more than being beat by seconds instead of minutes. Then you were forced to watch their triumphant stance, their gloating eyes, their sneer at your pathetic attempts that were rendered useless in the end. It always gave the winner of the battle a secret thrill to see their crestfallen enemy. But if this were the case at the present moment, why was the human child slowing down? Why wasn't that trench coat billowing out behind him any more due to speed and wind resistance?

He quickly discovered his answer and screeched to a halt. His eyes widened at the scene before them. A smoking metal capsule lay on its side in the center of a recently created pit in the ground. The blackened metal was as crumpled as tinfoil squeezed in one's hand, the door of the pod shrieking in protest as it tried to open automatically. Zim's antennae raised slightly in curiosity at this new development in an already interesting situation. Was the owner of the escape pod going to step forth, slightly injured, and attempt to form an alliance with the mighty Zim to help take over the planet? Or was it just a stray piece of machinery that landed on this backwater planet by chance?

It turned out to be neither, surprising both Irken and human when a glowing orb smoothly rolled out on to the barren dirt. It entranced the two momentarily as it softly pulsed from a bright crimson to a light violet. Zim stared at it until he noticed a slight adjusting of position of the Dib-human's feet. The new stance clearly indicated the oncoming sprint towards the object to claim it as his own. Zim caught Dib's eye, smirked, and shot off towards the glowing device with a speed that shocked the inferior human child. He doesn't remember the alien ever being so eager as to try to capture something so innocent looking. Whatever that thing is, it must be deemed important in the Irken's mind, therefore making it the ultimate prize in this impromptu race.

Dib quickly shook off his black jacket to decrease wind resistance before sprinting after the object as well. He caught up to his enemy before long and smiled in return to Zim's hiss of frustration at having lost his momentary advantage. The alien's maroon eyes glittered with hate at his nemesis, which ended up being the only warning the human got before being tackled by his adversary. The duo rolled around on the grass, kicking and punching, shouting death threats at each other as well as Irken profanities on Zim's part. They fell into the usual banter as quickly as they fell into the pit caused by the crash. Only when the orb was a foot away from them did they remember why they started fighting in the first place. Zim kicked away the human as hard as his short legs were able to and placed both his hands on the orb in order to hold it protectively, only to find the Dib's hands on it as well, placed on there right as the sphere had shifted colors.

"Release the device, Dib-stink!" Zim screeched. "It belongs to me, ZIM!"

"I'll never let you own anything that could destroy the human race!" Dib retorted, eyes narrowed at the Irken.

"But it's MINE! MINE!" Zim yelled, trying to kick Dib's face without relinquishing his prize. "You have NO IDEA the forces you toy with! I am ZIM! The best Invader my Tallest have ever seen!"

"If you're SUCH a good Invader, then why did I recognize you as an alien right away, huh? HUH?" Dib accused. "Oh, I know why! It's because you're STUPID!"

"Liiieeessss!" Zim hissed. He was so wrapped up in the argument that he barely noticed the weakness spreading through his joints. "It is YOU who is lacking a brain with which to think!"

Dib was ready with a hot reply when he realized something odd was happening to the sphere. "Uh, Zim?"

"Your mother must have been a Sport crab and your father a Gnoihblk to have caused you to have no brain whatsoever!"

"Zim?"

"AND YOUR SISTER IS A GREAT BIG BI-"

"HEY!" Dib yelled. "That's enough! Now will you just LISTEN to me?"

"NEVER!" Zim announced. "Irken Invaders listen to none but their Almighty Tallest, leaders of the entire Irken Empire and the force behind the Armada that will wipe out or enslave all life in the universe!"

"Why is there _never_ anyone listening when you say things like that?" Dib sighed. "Look, I think there's something...off about this thing. See? It was only red and purple before, but now it's different from when we touched it."

Zim glanced over at the orb long enough to notice the colors shifting from red and purple to pink and gold. His eyes narrowed. It WAS changing colors, just like when his Cthulu creature obtained a slightly bluish hue when it absorbed Tallest Miyuki, then green when it ate Tallest Spork. His eyes widened when the connection in his brain was completed at having noticed the coloring around Dibber's pupils start to change from its original hue to one of the fading colors belonging to the sphere. Zim tried to remove his hands, and his failure to do so caused him to emit a small shriek of panic.

"Doom!" Zim exclaimed, frantically trying to push the orb towards Dib and away from himself. "We're DOOMED! Release Zim from your grasp, evil...thing! Or suffer my horrible wrath!"

It was at this moment that Dib noticed Zim's eye color changing as well, but he observed something that the panicked Invader did not notice during his shouting. The recognizable, slightly squeaky voice of the alien was becoming weaker, being replaced with another voice the human had only heard once before in Zim's living room in front of a monitor with Gir by his side. The voice of one of the despicable leaders, though he couldn't remember which one. He decided to test his own voice out to see if the same thing was happening to him.

"H-hello?" he spoke aloud. "Oh, crap!" His suspicions were quickly confirmed and he ended up in a struggle similar to his nemisis, trying any way possible to get the evil orb off of his hands.

Exhaustion overtook the pair after several minutes of continued struggles, but despite the situation looming over both of them, they still stuck to their nature and threatened each other with grandoise ideas of the other's death. Even laying on the ground, panting for air, they despised the other being so near.

"And then...I'll...have Dad dissect you..." Dib managed to get out between breaths, his new voice disturbing him slightly with how unfamiliar it sounds. "And he'll...finally...call me his son...without tagging the word insane on to it."

"That will...NEVER...happen..." Zim retorted, weakly kicking the human and missing by a few inches. He tried to fight the confusion and weakness clouding his mind, gritting his teeth from the effort. "I am...Zim...I'll destroy you before...that can happen..."

"You jerk," Dib grumbled unconvincingly at his enemy before giving in to his own mind's fogginess. Moments after, the alien near him collapsed. Their hands slipped from the Captura, now glowing gold and dark pink with no trace of the previous colors. A childish shout of joy echoed through the park as a green dog bolted over to the form of his master lying on the ground.

"Guess what!" Gir giggled. "It's gonna rain soon, and you'll get all burned like sticking Piggy in the oven!"

The robot tilted his head to the side in confusion at having received none of the harsh responses he had gotten so accustomed to. He noticed Dib nearby and became even more puzzled.

"Why is puppy-head and you sleeping on the ground?" Gir wondered. He picked up a stick nearby and poked the Irken's foot. "Master?" Again, no response. The SIR unit was getting worried. His master never slept, his Pak made sure he didn't ever need it. And Dib sleeping near him made even less sense.

"Are you sick?" Gir suddenly realized. His costumed eyes started to tear up in false realization. "And Dibby was takin' care of you and fell asleep 'cause I wasn't here? I'm sorry, Master. I'll help you get better and stay warm." With that, Gir lay next to the fallen Zim and huddled into him, his defective brain confirming that hugging will work to get his master healthier again.


	4. I Don't Like Change!

**Author's Note: Purple doesn't get enough time in the limelight *_cough_sarcasm_cough_* so I gave him his own chapter. The longest chapter of this story that I've written so far, I'd like to add. I also had trouble finding a good quote for Pur this chapter. I sifted through many different topics before I came upon the just the right one, my 'Aha!' moment of the day. But you probably don't care about that. So enjoy this chapter, review if you want, etcetera. Happy filthy human holidays! May weak, childish emotions twist your insides, bringing forth a feeling of what you worm-babies call 'love'.**

_**"I don't mind you thinking I'm stupid, but don't talk to me like I'm stupid." - Harlan Ellison**_

* * *

Purple sat up with a terrified gasp, nearly choking on the cold air rushing down his throat, eyes shut tight. What had caused him to awaken so harshly? A harsh crack of thunder shot through the air just as Purple had begun to calm himself again, answering his question, causing him to elicit a small shriek of fear. The thunder gradually subsided to a low, consistent growl overheard, giving the impression of letting Purple have a bit of mercy for a while to figure things out.

One thing he knew instinctively was that he was in a place that was different, odd, unknown. He could feel a cool breeze on his arms after years of being confined inside a large metal ship. Solid ground was beneath him, treasured Almighty Tallest hover Pak and belt gone, forcing him to regretfully follow the rules of gravity instead of casually floating a few units off the ground. It felt strange. There were only a few things Purple loathed in life. Biting into a stale doughnut, for one. Getting shot in the eye with one of Red's many lasers is another. Sure, he always got an apology for it afterwards, but it never seemed truly sincere.

But this...this was in a category all its own. He didn't think anyone in the Irken Empire could even _comprehend_ what had just happened. He barely understood it himself. Getting tricked into touching a soul sucking thing and waking up in an unfamiliar place with no idea what is happening? That was insanity, really, something to tell smeets so they don't do something stupid and annoying. Purple laughed nervously to himself. This had to be a dream. It had to be. A nightmare made more vivid and crazy from eating too many snacks right before his Pak needed to recharge, most likely.

If this was a dream, he may as well explore it to see what it was like. No use being curled up in a ball, waiting for it to all be over. He uncurled himself and sat up straight. Slowly, he opened one eye, then the other. Darkness clung to every available surface around him. A tall, sturdy, brown thing stood rigidly next to him, the top of it disappearing into a blob of dark green shapes. Purple put one hand against the object and eased himself up to stand on his own two feet, eventually clinging to it with both arms, not used to having to stand with his feet touching the ground. The object's surface was rougher than he expected, but he clung to it all the same. It was the only somewhat solid thing around him. It was almost comforting, in its own way. Rooted to the ground, the unknown thing didn't pull away at his touch like things with the sensitive levitation devices did on the Massive, causing him to fall flat on his face, and neither did it command him to tell it what to do, as did all his subjects. It was silent and unyielding.

Purple pulled away to stand on his own a few moments before another flash of light lit up the world around him. He had been brushing his hands free of debris at the time, and froze when the light showed him what he least expected to see. His skin was as colorless as the flash itself, an off-white, not a trace of green to be found. And his hands...those are what captivated him most, even after the light faded. The cuffs he had worn since he first became Tallest were gone, revealing not only thumbs, but an extra finger at the end that he had no idea what he would even use it for. It started to dawn on Purple that if his skin and hands were different, then there had to be even more to find out. He looked around quickly for a reflective surface and was rewarded with sight of what looked like a shimmery, shifting pool of liquid in a large, shallow container made of ceramic or marble. Purple hurried over to the area and hesitantly peered into the water.

An image of a terrified human boy with black fur on its head stared back at him. It had off-white skin on its face, a nose, ears, and a cowlick that made the hair grow in a curious scythe shape. Metal encompassing glass circles framed the eyes. The orbs in charge of sight were eerily white with only a spot of color that moved only to look at something without turning its head. It wasn't until the image copied Pur's motion of starting to pull away did it really sink in. Suspicions were further confirmed when he reached up to his eyes and felt smooth metal frames around them, brushing against the odd black fur momentarily before dropping his hands again. He wasn't himself. Definitely not Irken, that's for sure. Dread filled him along with the truth of the situation. This was no dream. All known senses were functioning too well for it not to be at least _some_ form of reality. He felt the cool wind on his arms, heard the distant thunder, heard the rustle of the dark green shapes on top of the tall brown thing from earlier, saw everything with absolute clarity as long as the frames weren't removed. Besides, the very few times he _did_ need to recharge his Pak, he never dreamt of being anyone other than himself. His new hands started to shake. This was all real, and to be honest, he was thoroughly freaked out.

"HI PUPPY-HEAD!" a high-pitched voice suddenly shrieked in front of his face. Startled, he fell on the ground and scrambled back a few feet. A small SIR unit stood in front of him, cyan blue eyes shining brightly despite the darkness lingering on everything else. A green doggy suit lay discarded near it. Purple recognized the robot and sighed, though whether it was from relief at seeing a familiar face or from exasperation at the situation, he wasn't very sure.

"Hello, Gir," Purple mumbled, getting up again. He approached the robot whose brains he had provided so long ago.

"Are you all better now after the nap?" Gir inquired with a happy smile. Purple raised an eyebrow and nodded.

"Uh, yeah, sure," he answered. Pur sighed again. "This isn't it a dream, is it, Gir?"

Gir giggled and shook his head. "Nuh-uh! If it was a dream, puppies and kitties would be knitting in the sky, I would be dancing with my piggy, and you, Dibby, would not be chasing my master no more!"

"Wait...who did you say I was?" Purple wondered, warding off another panic attack.

"Dib, Dibby, Dibbykins, Dib Dib DIB!" Gir sang out. Purple's eyes widened as yet another connection in his mind was made. He didn't know why he didn't see it before, looking at that reflection. The glasses, the weird hair, all of that belonged to Zim's enemy! That big-headed kid who asked a lot of questions about them before dancing with Gir. He took a deep breath, waited a second, and breathed out evenly. Okay. Okay. He could handle this. So he was supposed to be Dib now. All he had to do was find Zim, straighten everything out, and somehow become himself again. That shouldn't be too hard, right? He crouched down to Gir's eye level, being reminded that he was now as short as Zim. He didn't linger on that for too long. One thing at a time.

"Gir, do you know where Zim is?" He asked, trying not to grimace at the name of the most hated Irken in existance. "I need to ask him a very important question. I need his help with something."

The SIR unit grabbed his hand in an iron grip, not registering Purple's gasp of pain, and dragged him back to the area he had first woken up in. Gir pointed at someone laying on the ground. Purple looked over and saw the small Invader, half-curled up, obviously asleep from the way the chest rose and fell steadily with every deep breath. The antennae twitched once in the dream, flattening against the head before returning to normal. Despite the sleep, Zim didn't seem very happy. His eyes were shut tightly, squinted in anger, and the breaths that did escape past the gritted teeth came out as a hiss. Purple narrowed his eyes. Something wasn't right with Zim, he could tell. Dreamland this time was obviously a forced confinement, something he did not want to accept. A Pak normally alarmed its master well ahead of time, and never took an Irken by surprise under any circumstance with a recharging out of nowhere. Purple poked the angered dreamer with one foot and got no response. Very unusual.

Purple turned his head towards the SIR unit. "What happened to Zim?"

"I think my mastah is sick from the lava lamp," Gir stated, tearing up. "A big boom happened, and I ran over to mastah to tell him about how it's gonna rain, and then I find him all sleepy with you next to him and the glowy thing. I saw you wake up and followed you like the carrot guy who loves Zim so much!" Gir suddenly laughed insanely and spun around in circles in some type of celebration. "Then I ran around NAKED! WOO!"

Purple glanced over at the 'glowy thing' as Gir so pleasantly put it. He had to force himself not to run away at the sight of the soul-sucking machine, a mere foot away from him, pulsing in all of its sick glory. He didn't know what the glowing colors meant, but it couldn't be good. There was no way in Hellisca that he was going near that horrible...thing...ever again. He returned his attention back to Zim and tilted his head to the side in confusion. Purple honestly had no idea what to do now.

"It's raining!" Gir squealed. Purple looked around and, sure enough, the world around him was blurring with falling liquid. He soon became drenched with the water without any of the burning feeling he was expecting. Maybe humans were immune to it? Either way, it was irritating, and the water on his glasses made it more difficult to see. He brushed wet hair out of his eyes and looked enviously over at Zim, laying under the tree, protected from this burden. Purple's eye twitched. He was the Almighty Tallest! He shouldn't have to suffer any inconveniences while a subject nearby was so comfortable! Purple scowled, starting to walk away from the unconscious nuisance.

"Where ya going, Big Head?" Gir called out. Purple turned around to glare at the robot.

"Away from here," he retorted. "This whole thing is stupid, and I don't want to be around Zim when he wakes up. I've decided I don't need him. I can handle this on my own."

"B-but the rain will hurt master when it falls through the tree's head!" Gir protested, pointing up at the tree he and Zim were still under.

"I don't CARE!" Purple shouted. The SIR unit's eyes glowed an operational red, an arsenal of guns springing out of his head, aimed at Purple.

"You plan to abandon my master!" the robot shouted in a lower voice. "Bring him to safety in your housing unit at ONCE!"

"What's wrong with you?" the purple-eyed boy gasped, eyes widening at all of the weapons.

"Resistance to command noted. Prepare to be destroyed," the functional GIR intoned. The lasers started to warm up, and Purple quickly waved his arms in defeat.

"OKAY! OKAY! Just put the guns down!" he pleaded. The weapons retracted and the eyes glowed a sky blue once more.

"Yay!" Gir celebrated. "Can I bring the lava lamp?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. I guess so," Purple responded, still slightly stunned from nearly dying. "Just don't let it touch anyone. Put it in your head or something."

Gir nodded and shoved the device in his head. Purple, on the other hand, found a dry black jacket under another tree and put it on Zim to keep him dry from the rain. He lifted him over one shoulder.

"Now, this may seem like a dumb question, Gir, but where do I live?" Pur asked. Gir grabbed his free hand in a too-tight grip once more and led him out of the park and down the street. On the way there, Purple observed the people around them, wanting to get to know his new surroundings by the type of people who lived there.

In a bagel shop was an orange-haired man in a black trench coat, looking around for hidden cameras and mumbling something about stalkers and YouTube. The same man ran ignored a small rat...thing...with bulging eyes when it appeared in his path, merely stepping over it to order his food. The creature stared at Purple without flinching, bitten ear twitching only once. Purple shuddered before resigning himself to staring at the ground. He was done with people watching in this creepy place. He was afraid of what other creatures he would find staring at him. The scream of a teenager running for his life out of a broken down house didn't help with the atmosphere, nor did the knife flung after him. Purple shuddered and turned away. Apparently, the blood of humans was a disturbingly bright red. He wished he would suddenly appear back home, everything normal again. Any moment now, Red should be shaking his shoulder, teasing him for daydreaming for so long. No such luck. If Red had suffered the same fate as him, who knows where he could be? Or _who_ he could be, for that matter. He might not even recognize his own best friend! This whole situation was so_..._stupid!

_"_You live there, puppy head!" Gir announced, bringing Purple's attention back to the matter at hand. He looked up at the medium-sized shelter unit. It actually looked...not so bad. More well-kept than what he had seen so far, that's for sure. Not as nice as the Massive, of course, but it will do for now. Maybe it even had snacks! That comforting thought gave him a sort of inner warmth that the cold rain soaking him could not chill. He allowed himself a small smile at the thought of comparing the taste of Irken delicacies to the flavor of Earth snacks. Surely Irken snacks were more superior, though he was still curious as to what the substance 'sugar' was that Zim tried to describe the last time he called. It sounded delicious.

Gir following close behind, Purple casually walked into the house, closing the door behind him. The heat in the house felt comforting after the freezing winds outside. A female human with purple hair sat on the couch, tapping at some small device.

"Hi!" Purple greeted, waving. The figure's response was muttering under her breath angrily. He was used to that from being around Red on the days they got a call from Zim, so it hardly intimidated him.

"Is there anything good on?" Purple asked with a patient smile, indicating towards the blank television set.

"Go. Away." These words oozed with absolute loathing. Small black flames danced at the child's feet. Pur obliviously ignored all of this. This child was being difficult, sure, but he was certain he could at least get her engaged in a simple conversation. It might be good to befriend this ugly human for a possible alliance in the future, an insurance that someone always had his back. Or a scapegoat, if needed. Now, the trick is to get on her good side and make her feel good about herself.

"What game are you playing?" he inquired, leaning closer. "Can you teach me how to play it later on? It looks like fun! You're really good at it!"

The girl's head spun around to an unnatural position, a complete one hundred and eighty degrees in order to glare at Purple with an impressive evil eye, accompanied with eyelids twitching. "If you don't leave me alone, Dib, I won't only send you into a nightmare world of which there is no return. I'll sic rabid, mutated, giant rats upon your organs as you beg for mercy at my feet, but all I'll do is sit there and watch as you get devoured from the inside out, starting with your brains. I suggest you leave if you want to keep your organs intact."

Purple quickly backed up a few steps from this demon spawn. She shot him one last glare, giving him the last push needed to bolt up the stairs in terror.

He went into the first room he came upon, slamming the door behind him and leaning against it, gasping for breath. He peered around the dwelling after calming down for a few seconds. It was filled with technology that could come in handy later, if he ever figured out how to work it. That was convenient. If he were Red, that is. This was all useless to him at the moment, since he never paid much attention to how to use technology. That was Red's specialty, not his. But any sentient being could press buttons. He was sure that he could learn how to use it through trial and error.

Purple allowed Zim to fall painfully on to the floor, not caring how he landed or how soft the surface was. That false Invader didn't deserve the luxury of Purple remotely caring how injured he became. Zim was only brought there in the first place because of Gir's decision to become functional for a few minutes. If it were up to him, he would have left the Irken back in the park, awakened by the acid falling from the sky.

The purple-eyed boy with a Tallest personality glanced over at the SIR unit. It was curled up on the bed, twitching from sleep. Perfect. Purple snickered and took the jacket off of Zim before laying it back on the Irken, wet side down. It would only burn the skin slightly, enough to somewhat hurt him, but not painful enough to actually wake the defect up.

He turned away from his prank and sat in a swivel chair nearest to a computer. He cracked his knuckles and moved his hands over the keyboard. What better time than the present to figure out how to use a potentially life-saving piece of technology? Besides, there might be games on there, and TV that he could watch without getting on the bad side of the freaky human downstairs. He eagerly pressed a few keys to guess the password only to have the screen flash red with a blaring alarm.

Purple growled under his breath and glared at the uncooperative screen. A few more tries later, he heard the furious, evil entity downstairs scream upstairs at him to stop making so much noise. Fearful, Purple frantically searched for a volume button of some kind, to no avail. This may take a little longer than he had planned.


End file.
